Plan for a tough situation

Toolkit Reminder

That’s all the episodes done for now. Everything you’ve learned so far can be found in your parenting Toolkit. 

Find your partner, tell them it’s their turn, get back to what you were doing

Game plan, rehearse, explain the plan, coach as you go, review

Plan rewards and a practice run before hand

Leave it until right before the situation to explain.

Perform a dramatic re-enactment of what’s gone wrong in the past

Ask your child to listen up and keep quiet

Give your child plenty of notice and explain well ahead of time

State the rules positively (example: ‘play nicely’)

State the rules negatively so it’s clearer (Example: ‘don’t fight’)

Stick to being serious so your child knows it’s important

Demand Oscar winning performances from all involved

Discuss what went well, not so well and reward your child’s positive behavior.

A peaceful BBQ with friends takes a turn. See how Dave navigates and handles misbehavior outside the home.

dad has bad dream, then yells at kid chasing bird

While time-out is one part of the plan, making it your first comment is somewhat negative. It may also sound like a threat, which we want to avoid.

Try Again

Dad ignores Ollie and keen to catch-up with his friends

Hey, those sausages aren’t going to cook themselves! However, immediately wandering off and doing your own thing might not be the best move.

No, I haven’t tried any of the Family Man techniques yet

While your first thought might be to try and forget it ever happened, checking-in with your child once the event or situation is over is a really important learning opportunity.

In these moments you can reward positive behaviour, discuss misbehaviour, and clearly state any changes you want to see the next time the child is in the situation.

Summing it up

Plan the plan

Rehearse

Explain the plan

Coach as you go

Review

Managing high risk situations

Into the wild

Five steps for getting through tough situations. Remember planning ahead and timing are key.

Tough situations

Over the next week your mission is to prepare the steps for using time-out.

Preparing Timeout

Coming up next in episode 3 learn how to manage high risk situations. 

Choose a location with toys to keep them quiet

Put yourself in time-out instead, hide till the mayhem passes

Try keeping your kids in time-out ‘til they turn 18

Slide their meals under the door 3 times a day

Ask your child repeatedly to do something, give up, drink or cry or both

Take a deep breath, yell to get your child’s attention, take them to time-out

Approach your child, give them stop-start instructions, time-out if needed

Ignore your child’s misbehaviour as long as you can, explode, put yourself in time-out

Misbehaviour, straight to time-out, child comes out when they’re ready

A family moment at the dinner table escalates. Bring peace to the home... or peas might fly!

dad cooking, daughter dances annoyingly on tablet

Ignore her/walk over to her/take away the device/ask her to stop 

Dad ignores loud child, child continues making noise 

A child disrupting the household, and intentionally being so loud that it’s hard to hear others – isn’t a behavior to shrug off.

The misbehavior is frustrating but it’s important to not over react and get Sandy even more wound up.

Before asking your child to stop the behavior, from a distance, there’s another step you can take.

Repeat your instruction/take away the device 

Taking the device, without first giving clear instructions, isn’t helpful. In fact, you should give clear instructions up to 

On top of that, raising your voice only escalates the situation.

Reward her behavior (Even if you don't feel like it)

Dad rewarding child's good behaviour & dinner starting

Explain in detail why she needs to follow the rules

Tell her she’s not going to visit her friend

Giver her a quick smack/explain the rules/tell her she can't visit her friend/time for time-out

Research shows that physical discipline - even just a light tap on the hand - doesn’t improve behavior. In fact, it’s likely to lead to more behavior problems in the future, like aggression.

There are more effective consequences for misbehavior than smacking - so there’s no need for physical discipline in any situation.

Don’t fall into the trap of talking too much, when children misbehave.

Your extra attention can be rewarding for children, since they learn that misbehaving is a good way to catch your eye.

Dad telling child she can't visit her friend 

Taking away social events can be devastating to a child, if they’re looking forward to it. It could even be harmful to their social development.

Also, keep in mind, delaying a consequence for a future moment makes it less effective. (Like not being able to visit a friend later or play with a certain toy.)

Apply a consequence right when the misbehavior happens and not later.

Taking away social events can be devastating to a child

Repeat your instructions/warn her about time-out/take her to time-out

As part of your discipline plan, repeat instructions twice only before using a time-out.

Two instructions are enough for children to know what you expect from them. Repeating instructions too many times runs the risk of you not being taken seriously.

Sandy has refused to listen multiple times, so try a different strategy.

Repeat instructions twice only before using a time-out

Warning (or threatening) to give time-out only heightens the situation. If you give threats, kids will wait until you’ve gotten to that level before responding.

After giving 2 instructions, it’s time to act — not warn.

Warning (or threatening) to give time-out only heightens the situation.

It’s completely natural to want to comfort your upset child. But mis-timed affection can actually reinforce misbehavior.

Remember, your time and attention are the greatest rewards you can give your child. And a reward is not what you should give in this moment.

Don’t worry, things will get easier and it won’t feel so tough.

Mis-timed affection can actually reinforce misbehaviour

Ask for an apology/Remind her why she was in time-out/Tell her she’s completed time-out

Don’t try to force an apology now. It’s best to move on and discuss later, when you’re both calmer.

Dad reminds child why she was in time-out 

Now is not the time to revisit the problem behavior. It could re-escalate the situation. Remember, keep discipline brief.

Nice work